Bachelor Essentials – 1 (Food)

“I can cook anything as long as the microwave has a button for it”.

Most of the bachelors will agree with the statement above. We bachelors can do anything under the sun but nothing over the gas flame. Solving a complex mathematical model with multiple variable inputs can be a cake walk for us. However, making the dough for the cake itself will be the toughest task we ever did. Ever since I was a kid, I used to be proud to say that I “Live to eat”. The entire equation has changed after I started living by myself. Today, I “Eat to live” since eating is no longer a luxury for me. I am sure that whoever says that he lives to eat has not experienced being a bachelor.

Nutrition for Bachelorhood has stages that are very well explained by Colleen Sullivan in the stages of grief. This is a story of Mr. Bachelor who went through all the stages to understand the first Essential of a Bachelor; Food.

Stage 1: Denial
This stage is the very first stage after a person decides to live a bachelor’s life. It begins with a great feeling as he is free to do whatever he feels like. For the first time, there is nobody to stop him from eating outside food. That is exactly what he does. Mr. Bachelor starts eating outside food frequently; practically everyday.

Stage 2: Anger
This is the first change where Mr. Bachelor feels the pinch of stage 1. Outside food costs much more money than he ever imagined. No wonder my family didn’t dine outside that frequently. As a result, Mr. Bachelor reduces his trips to the restaurant. He starts skipping meals.

Stage 3: Bargaining
The less frequent food intake affects the health of the bachelor. He certainly needs more food for his regular activity and other essentials. Thus, he finds a cheaper solution; He starts getting instant items from the market. Yipee, Success at last!!! Less cost and frequent food intake.

Stage 4: Depression
Mr. Bachelor’s attempt to substitute expensive restaurants with inexpensive fast food does not help him. He gets frequent heart burns and upset stomach. What can he do? He becomes helpless and attempts the unthinkable. This is the first time he realizes that he has to “Eat to live”. That’s exactly what he does. He starts surviving on milk, water and fruits.

Stage 5: Acceptance
The tasteless and bland diet from depression leaves the bachelor with only one option. The last stage is something that he lives for the rest of his bachelorhood; nirvana for the struggler. Mr. Bachelor understands the importance of home cooked food. With few tips from his well wishers, he begins his exploration into the vast world of ginger, garlic, cinnamon, coriander, masala, turmeric, chilli, sugar, nutmeg, pepper, basil, and innumerable other spices and vegetables.

The acceptance is indeed a great finding for Mr. Bachelor. I have gone through most of the stages above and currently accepted the last stage. I am a person who used to hate cooking (yes, dislike would be too mild to use). Now I get some sort of satisfaction after cooking. It is certainly a good way to past time that doesn’t go unproductive and the result is certainly tasty and fulfilling. Food is an essential part of a bachelor’s life. He has to find the likes in cooking as he has to survive and we all know that it is the survival of the fittest.

For Bachelors, “Kitchen” has been an unknown territory with irresistible smell of food and unheard sound of sizzles. And thus to inspire the bachelors out there to unveil the secrets of the “Kitchen”, I quote the famous line from Star Trek.

“To boldly go where no man (until bachelorhood) has gone before…”.

Synopsis - Bachelor Essentials

My friends and I discuss a lot about how bachelors live and their needs. The needs go beyond “Roti, Kapada aur Makaan” (Food, Clothing and Shelter). The picture in my previous blog depicts the basic necessities of bachelorhood.

I will be dedicating the next few blogs to the series “Bachelor Essentials”. The series would elaborate each essential need. The idea is to put forth the way a bachelor lives his life around each need. I will try to be generic around the topics. However, most of the examples would be from my personal experiences.

Hope you enjoy the series!!

Being a bachelor

"OSO" or "O So NO NO"

What was Shahrukh Khan thinking? After a good movie like “Chak De India”, I thought that King Khan is back to his senses and will choose his movies wisely. However, my hope only lasted until I saw OSO. I have been hearing about this movie for a long time for various reasons. It started with the hype of the 6 packs and eventually brought the 31 star song in the limelight.

I watched the movie last night. I knew that the movie was about reincarnation. This movie is more than that. It is also rebirth of my disappointment with Hindi cinema and the entertainment media. OSO is a reincarnation of few old movies including “Karz” and “Karan Arjun”. There is absolutely no originality or creativity in the movie. Some of the shots are direct pick from some videos that you will find on Youtube. Two people who are born to completely different parents with no family lineage have the same face. Moreover, both have the same “Om” mark on their wrist??????

I would rather watch Fardeen Khan direct a movie than Farah Khan direct any other movie. The movie is a great school for how NOT to direct. The storyline completely fails as there is no connectivity between the old and the new. Another accolade is to the editor of the movie. My barber can cut the film in a better fashion than Shirish Kunder. It was a bad idea to let Farah Khan’s hubby edit the movie.

People are seen repeating the same dialogue over and over again. “Agar Kisi Cheez ko Dil se Chaaho…” is repeated not only by Shahrukh Khan in 70s but also by Shahrukh in 21st century and on the top of it by his mom (played by Kiron Kher); multiple times. Another dialogue that you might have heard in the trailors is “Picture abhi baaki hai…”. This dialogue is even scarier when you watch the movie. The dialogue makes the audience realize that even if they are dead bored of the movie, they cannot get up because “Picture abhi baaki hai…”. Actually, I there are couple of instances when I thought that the “Picture” is actually over. But alas, the narrator had to say, “Picture ….”. Yaar koi to bolo ki “Picture abhi khatam hui..”. Also, Shahrukh Khan uses “10-4” (one of the 10 codes used for voice communication) inappropriately. Some homework is required.

Lets talk about the 6 pack. Yes, they look great. But King Khan has put too much effort on the 6-packs and ignored the wrinkles on his face. “Sir, you look old and hence act as per your age”. There is no way that Khan can pull off a early twenties hunk by growing hair and building 6-packs. Abhishek Bachchan looks far better with his single pack  and he (Abhishek) didn’t have to humiliate himself in the movie.

Of yes, the 31 star song!! Its nice to see all stars in support of the movie and I think the movie needs it. The song is so evidently placed to awe the audience and nothing else. Actually, most of the songs are inappropriately placed with the exception of “Main Agar Kahoon”.

Shahrukh Khan acted very well in “Chak De India” or should I say that Shimit Amin did not let Shahrukh Khan put the usual face on the screen. I am tired of the sympathetic look that accompanies him in every single movie. He poses with his arms wide open and makes a face that is very similar to the “Puss in Boots” cat face from Shrek2 (picture below for reference).

Arjun Rampal is a mistake. Arjun Rampal’s acting is like Sachin Tendulkar’s voice; Arjun Rampal should only model and Sachin should only bat. Kiron Kher and Shreyas have acted very well. I am sure that they had bigger roles that were edited by our friend Shirish Kunder. In all the clumsiness, I liked the debutant Deepika. She looks gorgeous and shows her presence in the movie. I hope she gets some good roles and chance to act rather than be a plastic figurine as seen in OSO.

Finally, I don’t understand the hype for the movie. The hype drew 50% of the crowd to the movie theaters and the rest were the hard core fans of Mr. King Khan. However, I don’t understand the media who hyped this movie over any other movie this year. Thus, I request the audience to make a sane call and rate this movie without getting influenced by the media around you.